Sunday, March 8, 2009

Not in a good headspace

I have been seriously struggling since yesterday afternoon and have continued to do so today.  Head games?  not sure.  I felt like pulling the pin last night but figured I just couldn't for many reasons outside of what I want, I know this doesn't make sense but I don't want to go into it right now.
I have no idea why I am even doing this, prepping again.  I'm not sure about if I can get into shape for the day and even then i'm s*&t scared on stage, why do I do this??

It's not due to hunger or cravings that is making me feel this way, but I am feeling drained and two cardio sessions a day are not helping.  My mind and body are feeling way overwhelmed and knowing I still have 12 weeks of this is kind of insane!  I have been at it for 8 weeks already and am feeling over it.

My body has made some good changes but i'm not convinced i'm going to improve on my last comp as I doubt that I can get as lean this time around due to my ridiculous new life style and hours of work etc, I just can't keep pushing myself like this as I have nothing left to push anymore.  I feel really down right now and I am struggling.

I know that this will pass and I will get over it, but right now, this very minute, i'm in it and in it deep.  Perhaps me blogging about it will help or it may make me feel worse :-(
I also know I need to take it one day at a time, one training session at a time and one cardio session at a time, but it's not like before, I had a set time to train and do cardio and I had no restrictions on my exercises as I had a good back.

On a different note I had an appointment to see Jo Rogers yesterday to order a bikini, I needed to be fitted due to the breast augmentation.  Her new place is fantastic, the studio is awesome.  I was as indecisive as usual but we got through it.  I'm going with colours I haven't used before but I will continue with the velvet material.  The design will be pretty much left in Jo's hands.

I took my first progress pictures yesterday (12 weeks out), the pictures didn't turn out to well due to lighting unfortunately but from what I could see i'm pretty much on par with previous preps at 12 weeks out, so I have a long way to go and a lot of work to do - this just freaks me out.

My posing is bad, I could tell by the pictures, very unsteady on my feet and lack confidence in the poses.
Christine and Troy told me today that my routine is finished, so I must see them next Sunday to learn it, I hope I don't disappoint them!

So even though you just read a very gloomy post please don't feel you need to respond as I will get over this I just needed to put it out there.  I am human, I do get pushed to my limits at times.

Deb xxx


Lia Halsall said...

First of all that must feel better to get all that out of your head Deb. I know myself that bottling things up inside doesn't help anyone in the end.

Secondly have you gone back and re-visited old blog posts where you were having similar overwhemling feelings? Maybe this will help, it's just an idea.

The key here is that you don't feel like this every day otherwise you wouldn't have got this far into your comp prep. Sleep on it and re-visit these thoughts tomorrow when you're not feeling so emotional. After all, this is all normal every once in a while sweetheart.

I'm here if you need me. *big hugs*

Luv Lia xxx

Em said...

I jsut want to tell you that you are beautiful perrson inside and out.
Sending you lots of ((((hugs)))
I hope the sunshines on you soon honey and heats you with the fire to continue and smassh it!

Splice said...

Lia, that is great advice about looking back through my blog, I will do that soon.
I will sleep on it and hopefully feel better tomorrow.

Splice said...

Hi Em, thank for always being so caring and supportive. Prep is really testing me this time around, I will try my hardest to stay on top of it.
Deb x

MISS TANK said...

Hey gorgeous woman!

Mate - what i want to say might not help but just know that the pressure you are feeling is something we spoke about as i was experiencing the same feelings. IF this does not feel right - dont feel pressured to do this! NOT ONE PERSON should/would judge you - f**k them if they do, no one knows your head, your circumstance, your body, your life!

BUT honey - if the PASSION is there - go for it! We have up and down times. COMPS are on every year, if you dont feel ready for this one, there is always the end of the year, next year, the year after and you get my drift - BUT honey - you seem to be on track, keep ticking off each day as it comes.

LUV YA xxx

witchazel said...

Have to tell you that your blog has helped me cause I am in that spot too... yesterday I was really positive, today... tired,gloomy, snappy... can't do this for another 10 weeks!!! But afer reading your blog I don't feel like I am insane, I feel like I am just another figure athlete LOL
Thank you!!!!

Jehanne said...

Deb - I am sorry that you are struggling at the moment! Comp prep is such a rollercoaster road - I wish there was some way to even out the downs a little more hey. just know that I am thinking and praying for you!

many hugs and postive thoughts coming your way! xoxox

Stephanie Davis said...

you're at the business end of prep Deb and the changes are going to come thick and fast from here on in! I hope you have many more good days than days like this one. You inspire me by aknowledging that these feelings are just a part of the process and refusing to let them beat you :)