I have been seriously struggling since yesterday afternoon and have continued to do so today. Head games? not sure. I felt like pulling the pin last night but figured I just couldn't for many reasons outside of what I want, I know this doesn't make sense but I don't want to go into it right now.
I have no idea why I am even doing this, prepping again. I'm not sure about if I can get into shape for the day and even then i'm s*&t scared on stage, why do I do this??
It's not due to hunger or cravings that is making me feel this way, but I am feeling drained and two cardio sessions a day are not helping. My mind and body are feeling way overwhelmed and knowing I still have 12 weeks of this is kind of insane! I have been at it for 8 weeks already and am feeling over it.
My body has made some good changes but i'm not convinced i'm going to improve on my last comp as I doubt that I can get as lean this time around due to my ridiculous new life style and hours of work etc, I just can't keep pushing myself like this as I have nothing left to push anymore. I feel really down right now and I am struggling.
I know that this will pass and I will get over it, but right now, this very minute, i'm in it and in it deep. Perhaps me blogging about it will help or it may make me feel worse :-(
I also know I need to take it one day at a time, one training session at a time and one cardio session at a time, but it's not like before, I had a set time to train and do cardio and I had no restrictions on my exercises as I had a good back.
On a different note I had an appointment to see Jo Rogers yesterday to order a bikini, I needed to be fitted due to the breast augmentation. Her new place is fantastic, the studio is awesome. I was as indecisive as usual but we got through it. I'm going with colours I haven't used before but I will continue with the velvet material. The design will be pretty much left in Jo's hands.
I took my first progress pictures yesterday (12 weeks out), the pictures didn't turn out to well due to lighting unfortunately but from what I could see i'm pretty much on par with previous preps at 12 weeks out, so I have a long way to go and a lot of work to do - this just freaks me out.
My posing is bad, I could tell by the pictures, very unsteady on my feet and lack confidence in the poses.
Christine and Troy told me today that my routine is finished, so I must see them next Sunday to learn it, I hope I don't disappoint them!
So even though you just read a very gloomy post please don't feel you need to respond as I will get over this I just needed to put it out there. I am human, I do get pushed to my limits at times.