I don't know what i'm doing in relation to the comps. One day i'm doing them, the next i'm not! Good Friday I slept, it was nice. Got up went for my walk, my son came with me which was so lovely, spending my day off with him at home on a rainy day watching movies was so wonderful.
We were watching "Australia" and I was so relaxed and felt that spending a carefree, stress free day with my son and husband not thinking about work or prep just made me blow the whole comp off. I opened up a bottle of good red wine and enjoyed my day.
The pressures have been to much, I really believed I was not going through with it and I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders gosh it felt great until the following morning. I woke up feeling that I had to keep going so I went to the gym and it all continues again.
Today I feel like crap again and i'm really not taking to this prep very well at all. I just think it's been going on for to long, 20 weeks, I won't be doing it this way again.
I have no idea what my skins are going to be coming in at tomorrow, I doubt that I have any changes as I don't see any changes. God i'm just so sick and tired of all the head games, the on and off drained feelings and the time committed to cardio. I'm so over it and wonder if it's worth it.
My mind just seems to go into a place where is doesn't want to communicate with anyone, I just want to be alone and not have to talk to anyone. This isn't healthy and it happens on those drained days. I was fine over the long weekend and today was my first day back on 4.30am wake ups and guess what, drained and negative.
I have to somehow deal with this for the next 7 weeks and hope for the best. Please give me the strength to get through this prep, I just want to compete end of next month and then rest, I have come too far to have to pull out now.
Since I will be spending more time doing cardio in the form of walking I figured I needed two things:
1. Something to help to time pass without it becoming mundane.
2. Something I enjoy that will also help keep me happy (kill that cortisol).
So as I type I am converting a movie and some T.V. shows I like and never get to see (because I have to be in bed early) to my Iphone. I can walk and watch the show on my phone, the screen is an awesome size and the quality is second to none it's awesome. I can't wait to try it out tonight.
Last night and this morning was my turning point in cutting back on my cardio intensity. I walked at an easy pace. It felt good but it felt easy, why does that bug me? In fact it scares me. I feel that if it's easy, it's not going to work (somebody slap me now because I know you want too), but I will do as i'm told :-)
Before you all leave comments about the reasoning on how it works I will let you know that I am well aware of the fact that it DOES WORK, and I know how it works but when your almost 7 weeks out your mind plays games and it is this time that you must trust in your coach. Your coach will be your eyes, your mind even! Things are a little difficult to judge in relation to yourself at times. If it was somebody else saying all this I would clearly tell them exactly what JD told me, it's different when it's not you :-)
I am in a better place today because I saw Jon yesterday, because of the changes he made to my cardio and training and because I get a day off tomorrow hee hee....SLEEP yay!
I can already feel my happy hormones kicking in as I blog, it's all good. Prepping shouldn't be hell, it's not worth it if it is.
Thanks for everyone's awesome love and support, it's gets me through everytime.
I guess things seem worse then what they really are when prepping, yes I knew this but I was thinking the worst regardless. I was actually thinking I might not make it to the stage end of next month but with continued hard work and focus I can actually get there.
After seeing Jon Davie today he pin pointed two reasons for my drained body situation. The first is what I mentioned, lack of sleep and the other is my cardio, I haven't followed his prescription totally. He has structured my cardio around my meal plan so the fact I have gone slightly higher on my intensity has left me with nothing to function on. The reason I did this was due to lack of time, I thought it best to do more in half the time when I didn't have a whole hour to spare, this back fired.
As of today I will structure my cardio and sleep times as number one priority to see how things go.
Lacking sleep and doing more cardio then my meal plan allows has caused my cortisol levels to rise and I must avoid this at all costs.
I did have a 2.5ml body fat drop in the two weeks, although it doesn't seem like much it was good as it came off my lumber and thigh, just where I need it to go from :-). I also dropped about 2kgs in that time aswell.
I'm still a little frightened about not getting lean enough for the shows but will do my very best to keep at it, I can't stop trying as I have worked way to hard for this, it has been difficult and I now need to stop being so darn afraid to say that I deserve to stand on stage and shine on the day as I would have earned it big time :-)
I need to slow down, pull back on that throttle and trust in my coach as he is an amazing guy.
I think we know by now that in blog land no news is not good news. I haven't blogged due to how difficult this prep has been over the last few weeks in particular. I have struggled with having absolutely no energy to function with and as a result I have had issues that set me back a week, not a good time to lose that kind of time. I just needed time out to try and catch up.
To tell you the truth I won't know exactly where i'm at until tomorrow when I see JD. I didn't go for my skinfolds last week because I couldn't bear too, I know it was the wrong thing to do but I needed to sort things out on my own. Tomorrow will be a good indication if I made things worse but not going!
My energy levels are so low I haven't even been able to get off the lounge on the weekend to go to the toilet without willing my body to stand up! I have had no posing practice and haven't even taken my weekly progress pictures because of it, I truly couldn't tell you how I go to work on a daily basis and keep my clients happy. I know that they are happy due to a recent email I got received saying I was the best PT, this made my day :-)
I'm up at 4.30am mon-fri and really use up whatever energy I have on my clients and on my training and then I have nothing else to give :-(
Food wise no problem, i'm not hungry, just drained.
I need to talk to JD tomorrow, but when i'm there i'm always in a hurry to leave so hardly in the mood for a long chat when I have to be in other places!
This is all self inflicted and I need to sort myself out.
Having completed my Cert III and Cert IV in Personal Training it is my desire to help people achieve a healthy lifestyle by guiding them in the right direction and supporting them 100 percent.
Life is too short, I have learnt so much about myself since I starting competing as a figure bodybuilder, never give up on your dreams, don't let an opportunity slip through your fingers and never have regrets!
Always treasure your true friends as they are with you for life.